“I never said toast.”
“You didn’t have to.”
They knew me too well. I loved it and hid from it too.
***
Last month, Dr. Evans held my chart in both hands and stopped smiling.
“Say it plainly,” I told him. “Please.”
He sat down. “Your heart valve has gotten worse, Sylvie.”
“How much worse?”
“We need to schedule surgery.”
I loved it and hid from it too.
I gripped my purse. “Can it wait?”
“Sylvie.”
“I’m asking because I have things to arrange, Dr. Evans. I know the risk, and I know my age, so I have to tie my affairs together.”
“I understand,” he said. “But we’re talking weeks here, not months.”
***
In the parking lot, I didn’t start the car. A woman my age walked past with her husband. He held her elbow as she stepped off the curb.
“I have to tie my affairs together.”
I looked away and pulled Walter’s bank card from my purse. Recently, I had begun to carry it around with me.
“Not yet,” I whispered, and tucked it back inside.
***
That Sunday, I went to the church potluck with lipstick on and a casserole I’d almost burned.
Adele found me near the coffee table. “Mama, you’re sweating.”
“Doris made the coffee strong enough to give me heart palpitations, sweetie.”
Jeremiah appeared beside her. “You’re out of breath.”
“I walked from the parking lot.”
“Mama, you’re sweating.”
“You parked by the door.”
“Son, I’m old,” I said with a smile.
Chanel came up behind them, holding a paper plate. “Why are we surrounding Mama like it’s an intervention?”
“Because she looks pale,” Adele said.
Chanel looked at me properly. “Mama.”
I hated that tone. It sounded like she had already guessed too much.
“You would tell us if something was wrong, right?” Adele asked.
I hated that tone.
“Of course.”
Jeremiah watched my face. “Are you sick?”
